You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
