Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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