I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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