This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize