there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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