i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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