So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
