I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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