so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
