I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
NoShamevember. You game?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
