sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
