I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
