I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
