Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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