I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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