apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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