oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize