I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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