So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
