I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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