She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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