I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
