guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
