ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
