I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
