I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
