AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
