i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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