He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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