So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
