you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
