Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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