my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
