sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
