Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
