we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize