Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
