I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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