make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
