Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
