Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
