a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
