I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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