seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
