I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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