you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
