i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
