just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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