He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He better not be in your backpack
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
