...so i touched it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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