I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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