She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
