I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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