Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
