If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
