When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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