i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
