Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
