last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
