just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
