and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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