Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize