why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's official drugs can't kill me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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