batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
