Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
