you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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