I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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