Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
