I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
