Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
