There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it's like iHOP with fire
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
