ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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