How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
