I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
