I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
