She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
