Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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