he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize