would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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