ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate all girls vehemently.
I didn't shave. On purpose
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize