I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Found the puke drawer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
