Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
