you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
