Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
