My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
