I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
