i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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