I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
