my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
