so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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