Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
