he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
