i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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