My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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