why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
