oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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