I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
