I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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