oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
