so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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